Tellin it like it is

Back in 1997 Penny Marshall and I took a hedonism cruise down the Baja peninsula. We didn't plan on falling in love but one never does. I'll never forget the 7Th night into an 11 day trip; Penny and I were on the Promenade deck and we looked deep into each others eyes and couldn't see each others souls. We realized for the first time in our lives we each found someone that was empty and cold. I placed my withered hands on her rubber face and asked her to go steady. If she had blood running through her veins she would have blushed but instead gave me a crooked smile and looked away an mumbled awwwww Kenny. I never felt this way about a human being before, sure I fell in love with plant and animal life but the love you give to them is never returned.

We spent the next 3 nights dancing under the stars and hot tubbing with a nice elderly couple from Boise. On our last day Penny got sick from a bad Crab Bisque soup and spent the rest of the cruise in the bathroom. I couldn't believe how selfish she was being, just because you're sick doesn't mean you should be more than three feet away from my beard at any time. I starred and the ceiling for what seemed like days, turns out it was 26 minutes about the length of an episode of the Brady Bunch. At minute 25 I decided I didn't love Penny and I could never devote my life to anyone who ate bad seafood or has a weak small intestine.

Do I regret not marrying Penny? Only when Wilfy is pounding my head in with a rotary phone, he loves the way it makes a ding against my temple. Other than that I hope I never see that scabies sack again.

Love and Peace from your friend,
Kenny