Septic Troubles

Well i blew out another septic tank!!! I don't think there is a septic system I can't bring to it's knees. There is something about the combination of my over active lower bowels, my strict taco meat diet and the psi of my flatulance that could win a small war. Luckily I'm Kenny Rogers and when my shit hits the fan and breaks stuff I can afford to pay for new things. ha it's great not to be poor and have facial hair.

Rogers in 08

I am toying with the idea of running for President in 08. If I don't do that I may join Jenny Craig. Either way the personal satisfaction from either event will give me and my shiny beard just the boost I need to stay one step ahead of my depression.

Speaking of depression I spent the weekend at my step kid's house. He showed me his tattoos and I let him touch my face. We were both kind of freaked out so we got real drunk and went three wheeling. Remind me to not to eat 6 pounds of nachos and drink a half a bottle of Thunderbird before i hit the dirt track. I did throw up in the sand and it was cool because my barf made the outline of Shirley Hemphill's head on the ground. I call it barf art, or barft for short.

stinky beard out

I'll take no thanks Alex for a million

so the jerks down in Hollywood or wherever asked me Kenny Rogers to be on celebrity jeopardy. Sure Kenny Rogers is a celebrity but he ain't going on no Jeopardy. When I do a quiz show I don't ask who's this person or where's that country I tell you the answer. I ain't gonna stand up there and dick around with Regis Philbin and Bruce Valanche uh uh not me I'm Kenny Rogers dammit hear me roar.

For real are you being for real

People can be faker than my face sometimes. I just want to take those people and poke there eyeballs out with my dirty finger nails and scream now do you see my point A-Rod.

sorry kids Kenny hasn't had his coffee yet today and I get a bit cranky sometimes. One time I was down at the Shoney's breakfast buffet and I told the lady I wanted a cup of coffee then I went to fix my plate. I piled suasage, bacon, chicken nuggets (who knew?), pudding, eggs, french toast sticks, ranch dressing and a slice of mango on my plate and went to sit back down in my comfy booth in the smoking section. As I sat down I noticed Delores didn't bring my coffee yet and I was ready to eat. I picked up my plate flung it clear across the restaurant and it broke the plastic cover on the crane machine game. Kids went nuts looting the machine, grandparents were crying and I still hadn't had my coffee. I did the only think I knew how to do, I walked in the back shoved dolores' head in one of the big silver sink basins and didn't let her up until she went limp. I didn't kill her she was smart enough to know stop moving so I think she's dead. This wasn't the first time this happened.

to make a long story short I got my breakfast free that day and the manager made me a fresh batch of coffee. Ahhhh good times.

Chunky Bars

do they still make those thick little sons of bitches? when I was on tour back in the 70's we would drop a chunky bar into a glass of Jack Daniels pop in an Elton John 8 track and let nature take it's course. We'd wet our pants and the candy would give us pimples.

now a days everything sucks except for my freaking awesome beard. My life is in shambles, my home is a mess but my hairy face is grey and shiny like a beacon in the night giving comfort to all of those that travel by. When I die I want to be buried right next to my beard, Cindy Lauper. I don't care if she isn't dead stick her in the coffin and send her to the other side with me.

Also I never met a Will Rogers I wasn't related to. Stick that in your big brown Caboose J-Lo