refreshing glass of water

The FCC reports that American's aren't drinking enough water. I always thought dropping an ice cube in my Jack Daniels was enough but according to a joke I read in readers digest two wongs don't make you white. I don't know exactly what that means but I think it has something to do with Welch's grape soda pulling calcium from your bones and not getting a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day could cause one to get Multiple Personality disorder. One day i went a month without drinking any water and my skin looked like that kids face from "head of the class" and I started to act like Danny Devito at the DMV. To say the least I was a bit cranky. So friends I sit here today with a bottle of aquafina and a new outlook on life. May you find peace in this world of confusion.

my friend Gordy

I don't think you've lived life to it's fullest unless you have a friend named Gordy. You just can't nickname your friend Gordy you have to have a friend named Gordon that you call Gordy. You just can't start calling Gordon Gordy you have to go through some stuff together first, like winning a bowling league or wife swapping. Then one night you're sitting in the back of your el camino you look into his eyes and you say, Gordy you're one crazy S.O.B. There you have it now you have a friend named Gordy and no matter if your lover leaves you for Bonnie Raitt or how bad your face gets mauled in a plastic surgery you can rest in the fact that you have a buddy named Gordy and he is pulling for you 100%.

I too had a dream

I once had a dream that I looked like this man and that I was able to teleport anywhere in the world by eating a 20 piece chicken nugget box. If you know me you know I don't need no dippin sauce cause my mouth makes all kinds of cool flavors on it's own.

At the end of the dream I woke up and I drank a glass of water with a goldfish in it. don't worry now there wasn't any animal cruelty that goldfish had been dead for at least a week and was starting to stink up my trailer.

today I got a late start on my household chores. I meant to feed the chickens but I forgot so they will have to peck around for loose change or maybe feed on each other. They're animals after all what do they need me for they should know how to live off the land. I set up a new play list in my ipod. I don't want to spoil it for anyone but I can tell you there are four hall and oates songs and three Mega Death songs. Talk about your smooth transitions. Speaking of smooth, have you seen my face lately? ha you kids and your jokes, I'm off now to right a book about how Lolapalooza ruined alternative music in the 90's.

I've loved and lost again and again

IfI could only have my one true love. It think of him everytime I blink

this is what happens

when you interrupt my plate of hash browns at the huddle house.

I love my fans and I want to meet and greet as many of you as I can but please don't come up to me when I am knee deep in grill fried russets covered in cheese, bacon, ham, onions, peppers and horse radish.

I may have gone a little too far with the beating of this poor guy but he didn't know when to walk away and he really didn't know when to run. If the media wants to run with this story so be it I don't care my life is pretty much over anyways. I think the fans will look back on my life and remember all the good times and not let this incident be a black eye on my career.... ahahah Kenny just made Kenny laugh.